


Truth Will Out

by siriuspiggyback



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Coming Out, F/M, Flashbacks, Found Family, Friendship, Gen, Hawkins National Laboratory, Human Experimentation, Misunderstandings, Multi, One (stranger things), Original Character(s), Panic Attacks, Parent Jim "Chief" Hopper, Period-Typical Homophobia, Post Season 2, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Recovery, Steve Harrington Needs a Hug, Steve is everyone's mom, mentions of attempted sexual assault, parenting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-30
Updated: 2018-11-11
Packaged: 2019-01-26 18:40:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 18,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12563728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/siriuspiggyback/pseuds/siriuspiggyback
Summary: It's been a year since the gate was closed. Hopper takes in (another) kid. Steve has, against his own common sense, already adopted five. Meanwhile, Will has a secret, but not the kind that everyone is expecting.





	1. Chapter One: The Old and The New

**Author's Note:**

> I'm on that post-binge watch high, and this is the result. Basically I just want all my children to be happy, but it might take a while to get there. Enjoy!

It had been a year without incident. Eleven - Jane - was now a real, legally existing person. Even the guys down at the station new about her, mostly because Jim boasts about her proudly at any given opportunity, along with the framed photo that Jim keeps on his desk. Will seemed to be doing okay, or as okay as could be expected. The trauma they had experienced had started to wear and soften with time. Even Joyce was smiling again.

 

Which is why Jim was particularly concerned when Dr Owens called to arrange a meeting. With a sour taste in his mouth, Jim slipped into their usual bar and sat opposite the doctor. His worry only deepened when he saw Owen’s face, looking grey and heavy.

 

“Hopper, long time no see,” greeted Owens, trying for levity and failing.

 

“I'd say it's good to see you, but I've got a feeling that what to say next will change my mind about that.”

 

Owens sighed. “Okay, I'll get straight to the point.” That's what Jim liked about Owens: he doesn't beat around the bush. Jim always appreciated directness. “We screwed up. When we took over the project, my team was mostly focused on the urgent cases, cleaning up the mess, but over the past year, we've started working through the rest of the files.”

 

“We just uncovered something. Someone. It seems that one of Dr. Brenner's… test subjects, for a lack of a better word, was still being held when we took over.” Owens swallowed, clearly thinking over his words. “And now, we need to make a decision what to do with her. It seems she failed to develop powers as Brenner hoped, but she has been kept in isolation for… many years.”

 

Jim leaned back, processing this. “So she's still in the labs? Christ, Owens,” Jim rubbed a hand over his face tiredly. “Where do I come in to this?”

 

“I now need to make a decision on what to do with her. It occurred to me - and I know this is a big ask, but I've gotta ask - you've done such a great job with Jane and-”

 

“Hold up,” said Jim, incredulous. “Are you asking me to take her?”

 

The doctor smiled sadly. “Seemed worth a shot, but I can't make you. We can find somewhere else.”

 

Jim frowned at that. “Where will she go?”

 

“A psychiatric facility, in all likelihood.”

 

Jim swore under his breath, cursing his own softness. “I'll do it. God damn it. I'll take her.”

 

Owens smiled widely. “You're a saint, Hopper.”

 

“What's her name?” He asked, pinching he bridge of his nose.

 

“One.”

  


* * *

 

 

“Steve, are you listening to me? This is a red alert!”

 

Steve groaned into his pillow, reaching blindly for his radio. “Dustin, it's-” Steve peered blearily at his clock, “7am on a Saturday. This better be good.”

 

“I said red alert! Get over to the Wheelers, stat!” The radio cut out.

 

Grumbling, Steve abandoned his (soft, warm) bed and drove over. He knocked softly, praying that Nancy wouldn't answer. It was too early for that kind of awkwardness.

 

Fortunately, it was Mike who answered, Dustin and Lucas not far behind.

 

“Steve,” Mike nodded, face serious. “Thanks for coming.”

 

“This had better be important,” said Steve, following then down to the den, arranging themselves around the table. It would seem more serious if Steve didn't know that the table was only here to play D&D on.  

 

The kids looked between themselves, determining who would be the one to explain the situation. Eventually Dustin broke. “It's Will. We think there's something wrong again.”

 

Steve felt his stomach plummet. Not again. “Why's that?” Steve tried to keep his anxiety from showing in his voice.

 

“He's keeping a secret,” said Lucas.

 

Mike nodded. “He's acting weird, but he won't tell us why.”

 

Steve considered this. “No flashbacks? He hasn't been zoning out again, or looking freaked out?”

 

“No,” said Mike. “Not like last time.”

 

“Have you considered this is normal teenage boy weirdness?” Steve questioned.

 

Lucas sighed. “When is it ever just normal teenage weirdness?”

 

Steve didn't have a response for that. “So when you say weird… what's he been doing?”

 

“Just… weird. Not himself,” said Dustin.

 

“It's like he keeps going to say something, but always stops just before he says it. And he keeps looking… sad,” added Mike, voice thoughtful. “Not like after the mind flayer. A different kind of sad. Almost… lonely.”

 

Steve ran a hand through his hair. It was depressingly flat. “Have you considered, y'know… talking to him?”

 

“Duh,” said Dustin.

 

“We've all tried,” defended Mike.

 

“He just says everything is fine,” added Lucas.

 

Dustin shot Steve a winning smile, showing off all his teeth. “That's where you come in.”

 

Steven closed his eyes, and counted to ten. And then to twenty.

 

How has this become his life?

 

* * *

 

 

 

Jane watched as her sister - One - took in the space, wide eyed. One was old. Not Jim kind of old, more like Mike's sister Nancy's age. Jane felt bad for her. That was a long time to be alone.

 

Eventually One turned to look at Jane, looking unsure and a little afraid. Jane tried to look not scary, giving her a smile. Jane wasn't sure she really wanted to smile. It wasn't that Jane didn't want to meet her sister, but at the same time she wasn't sure that she wanted to share her home with her. She liked home. She didn't want things to change.

 

Jim had told her there was a word for that. 'Apprehensive’. It was her word of the day.

 

“So this is Jane,” introduced Jim. He put one of his hands on Jane's shoulder, and she felt better.

 

“Hello,” said Jane.

 

“Hello,” echoed One. Her voice was strong, but she was watching Jane a little too carefully. “They said you're…”

 

“I'm like you,” finished Jane, tugging up her sleeve to show her tattoo. One looked at this, eyes sad. “It's okay,” Jane told her. “We’re safe now.”

 


	2. Chapter 2 The Truth and The Lie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow thanks for all the lovely comments!! hope you guys enjoy x

“Morning, One!” Hopper yelled through the door. Listening carefully, he heard the floorboards creak as One got up, but no vocal response. He figured he would let her be for now, and go try again when breakfast is ready. He didn't want to invade her privacy, especially when all of this was so new to her.

 

Instead, he went to the kitchen to get started on frying that bacon. He felt, in all honesty, way over his head. With Eleven, she had already half adjusted to the real world by time he had met her. And besides, Jane was still a kid. One was practically an adult, her childhood already gone. Still, he was determined to do better than last time. No more stupid.

 

By the time breakfast was served, Jane was sat eagerly at the table, probably hoping for eggos, God help him, but One had still not emerged. Hesitantly, he knocked again, calling out, “You in there, kiddo? Can I open the door?”

 

After a slight pause, One said, “Yes.”

 

Jim entered her room slowly, trying to look nonthreatening. One was perched on her neatly made bed. “You ready for breakfast?”

 

“Yes,” she repeated, but made no move to follow him out.

 

Jim watched her, trying to figure out of she was confused or being intentionally difficult. “Follow me,” he instructed, and she obediently did so, taking a seat at the table at his request. As soon as he put a plate in front of her, she started devouring her breakfast like she had been starved. She was, Jim noted disapprovingly, really quite skinny. That was another thing they would need to fix.

 

There was a heavy silence as they ate. Jane had never been particularly verbose, and small talk was hard when One had yet to look up from her plate. When everyone was done, he decided that there was no point in waiting; Hopper had read that communication of expectations was key. The kid had never lived a normal life, and if she didn’t know what would get her in trouble in this new environment, how was she supposed to relax?

 

“So I was thinking we should have a chat, lay down some ground rules, that kind of thing. Does that sound okay?” said Jim.

 

One looked… not surprised, Jim thought, but somehow tenser than before. She gave him a sharp nod, eyes not quite meeting his. Jim figured that was about as good as could be expected for the moment.

 

“Okay so first of all, you can use anything - read any books, watch the TV, whatever - but everyone clears up after themselves, okay? Secondly, if you’re ever going out, you’ve gotta let me know first. And finally, if there’s a problem, please tell me. I won’t be mad, but if something is wrong, I can’t change things if I don’t know, okay?”

 

One frowned, looking between Jim and Jane, as if waiting for an explanation. Jim waited for her to think it over. There was something in her expression that hinted at confusion, and maybe a little suspicion. Eventually, she spoke.

 

“Going out… of the room?” 

 

Jim drew in a slow, calming breath. How do you explain to someone that they were free? That being imprisoned wasn’t the norm?

 

Before Jim could attempt to cross that minefield, Jane, wonderful person that she is, reached out to take hold of One’s hand. “You can go outdoors,” said Jane. “You can go… anywhere.”

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


Steve was, quite seriously, questioning all of his life choices. How had he ended up here - here being on the Wheelers doorstep, yet again - was a mystery to him. Somehow he can never say no to Dustin.  _ Damn it, _ thought Steve. He used to be  _ cool _ . 

 

Mr. Wheeler answered the door, looking faintly puzzled. “Nancy is over at the Byer’s.”

 

It didn’t hurt like it used to, but he still felt a phantom ache at the reminder. “No, I’m looking for-”

 

“Steve!” called Mike, a little too cheerfully. “We’re downstairs.”

 

Steve squeezed past Mr Wheeler without offering an explanation. Steve was pretty sure he couldn’t explain this if he tried.

 

Downstairs, Mike greeted him with an enthusiasm which betrayed his nerves. “Hey, long time no see! Fancy seeing you here, huh?”

 

“Yeah,” said Steve, “Hey, Will.”

 

“Hello,” said Will, his eyes narrowed just slightly. The kid wasn’t dumb. He knew something weird was going on.

 

“So, I’m going to… uh, I’ll go get snacks!” And with that, Mike darted up the stairs. Steve rolled his eyes; Mike had no subtlety.

 

“What’s going on?” Will asked, voice cautious.

 

Steve sat heavily, pinching the bridge of his nose. He really didn’t want to have this conversation. “Okay, I’m just gonna get straight to the point here. Your friends are worried about you. What’s going on?”

 

“I don’t know what you mean,” Will evaded, not quite meeting his eyes.

 

“They seem to think you’ve got a secret.” Will turned a little red at this, lips flattening into a straight line. Steve stifled a sigh. “Look, kid, I won’t tell them if you don’t want me to, but if you don’t tell me something, Dustin isn’t going to let me get a second of peace.”

 

Will gave a wet laugh. “It’s nothing. It’s stupid.”

 

Steve appraised him for a moment. “You’re not the kind to get worked up over nothing.”

 

Will visibly took some deep breaths. “You'll hate me.”

 

Steve laughed, startled. “I don't think it's going to be that dramatic. Is something going on at home? Or… I don't know, girl troubles.”

 

“Definitely not girl troubles,” said Will, looking away sharply.

 

Steve slumped. He was in no way qualified for this. Maybe he should tell his mom - an actual adult - someone who would know what to say. All Steve seemed to have achieved was upsetting Will further. “Is there anyone you would rather talk to?”

 

“No!” Will yelled. “Please don't say anything, please.”

 

“Okay, okay,” said Steve. He held his hands up, surrendering. “I'm not gonna say anything to anyone, alright? I just-”

 

“Can you just tell Mike that- I don't know, that I'm hung up on a girl or something?”

 

“How about this,” said Steve. “I'll tell them whatever you want, but you've got to tell me the truth first.”

 

“Okay,” Will agreed warily.

 

“Okay.”

 

There was silence for a moment. When Will spoke, his voice wobbled, on the edge of tears. “I think… I'm sorry, I think I'm queer.” Will clapped a hand over his mouth, as if to stop the word escaping, but it was too late.

 

Steve was- this was not what he was expecting. He didn't know anyone like that, but they had been talked about a lot recently.  _ The homosexual disease _ had been plastered over the news, and he had heard his dad talking shit about it. But- this is  _ Will.  _ He's pretty sure that Will Byers isn't some kind of sexual deviant. 

 

“Okay,” said Steve. “Okay, so you… like boys?” He wished someone else were having this conversation. He momentarily wondered if there were any girls he knew who could have this chat for him, before feeling guilty for the momentary sexism.

 

“I like boys,” confirmed Will. It was only then that Steve noticed: Will looked  _ afraid. _

 

_ “ _ Kid, I’m not mad. I’m not mad, Will,” said Steve. It was the truth; Steve wasn’t angry. He wasn’t sure how he felt about it, in all honesty.

 

The tension dropped from Will’s narrow frame, and, to Steve’s surprise, he reached out to pull Steve into a hug, and Steve thought:  _ fuck it.  _ He pulled Will into a tight hug.

 

With classic poor timing, Mike chose now to come down the stairs.

 

“Hey guys, how's it going? Turns out there were no snacks.”

 

“Yeah,” said Steve, “It's all good.”

  
  
  



	3. Chapter 3: The Recruitment

  
  
  
  
  


One was outside.

 

One was  _ outside. _

 

She tilted her face up to the sun. She didn’t know it could feel like this, so warm on her skin, the whole world lighting up for her. The  October air was crisp and sweet on her tongue. Jane stood next to her, a silent but calming presence. One was grateful for that. She wasn’t a fan of being alone.

 

Tomorrow, though, she would be. Jim had work - apparently he was the sheriff - and Jane would be going to school. School was new for Jane. Jim had told her that Jane started school last month, after studying to catch up, and said that maybe One could go next year, if she wanted. One wasn’t sure. As much as she hated being alone, the thought of being somewhere so full of people made her chest feel tight with panic. Sometimes, just being in a room with Jane and Jim seemed overwhelming. 

 

Still, at least getting alone time meant that she could do some reading. She had read everything at the compound at least five times, so the prospect of something new was exciting. Her favourite were the fiction books. She liked learning, but she loved reading about people. They were like aliens to her, with their names, and families, and their strange lives. She knew she was technically a person, but sometimes she felt the term  _ specimen _ might be more accurate. That was certainly how the scientists had seen her. Sometimes they wouldn’t even call her by her number. One wondered whether she had ever had a name.

 

“Jane,” One said, voice dry with misuse, “How did you get your name?”

 

“Mama gave it to me,” Jane said simply.

 

“But… what if you don’t have a mama?”

 

Jane thought for a moment, brows drawn down. “Name yourself,” she suggested.

 

“Name myself what?” One asked.

 

“Whatever you want,” shrugged Jane. “Papa named me Eleven, but Mike named me El, and Mama named me Jane. So now I’m not Eleven anymore.” 

 

This was, perhaps, the most One had ever heard Jane say. Whilst she didn’t speak much, One had noticed that what she did say was often heavy with meaning. “Who’s Mike?”

 

“Mike is…” Jane seemed a little embarrassed, but ended with, “Friend.”

 

One nodded. Part of her wanted to ask,  _ are we friends? _ But she restrained herself. Jane barely knew her, and anyway, she didn’t think things like her made friends. Friends were for real people, with real names.

 

“How do I chose?” One asked instead.

 

“I don’t know,” said Jane. “Something you like.”

 

One didn’t know what to say to this. She had never had an opinion on a name before. They were about as relevant to her life as a favourite type of flower. Even the concept of liking a name, just for how it sounds, seemed somehow frivolous. So instead of replying, she just looked back towards the trees, taking a deep breath of the clean autumn air. 

  
  
  
  
  


Steve was trying to figure out how to leave without it seeming rude. Will was looking at him with his big eyes like he was his personal saviour or something. That was bad enough, but Mike was staring at him like Steve held the answers of the universe. Jesus. Steve just wanted to go home - preferably before Mike interrogated him.

 

Finally, he declared, “I should get going.”

 

“Okay,” said Mike, “I'll walk you out.”

 

Steve knew this was code for  _ tell me what Will said before you go. _

 

Predictably, before they reached the door, Mike said, “So what did Will say? Did he tell you?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“So… what did he say?” Mike prompted impatiently.

 

“It's, uh, girl troubles,” said Steve.

 

Mike crossed his skinny arms, disbelieving. 

 

“He… likes this girl. But she's seeing someone else. I promised I wouldn't tell you who,” Steve shrugged.

 

“Why wouldn't he tell me? Unless-”

 

The doorbell rang. Steve let out a long breath. Talk about saved by the bell.

 

“Shouldn't you answer that?”

 

Mike shot Steve a frustrated look, but opened the door. Chief Hopper stood on the step.

 

“Hey kids,” he said, “is Nancy around?”

 

“She's at the Byers,” said Mike.

 

“Is something wrong?” Steve asked.

 

“No, no, nothing to worry about, I'll just-” he cut off, giving Steve a calculating glance. It was, Steve thought, a little disconcerting. “Hey Steve, you've graduated, right? What are you up to now?”

 

“Uh, I'm working the late shift at the movie theatre,” he replied, wondering if he was about to get a lecture about squandering his potential. 

 

“I think I've got a job opportunity for you,” said Hopper. 

 

“I'm not much interested in law enforcement, thanks,” said Steve.

 

Hopper laughed a little. “No, I'm not recruiting you for the force.” He looked around a little, noting that Mr Wheeler was sat obliviously in the room over. “Take a walk with me?” Hopper asked, throwing a significant look towards Mr Wheeler. 

 

“Sure,” agreed Steve. At least, he figured, he wouldn't have to continue his talk with Mike.

 

“Wait,” protested Mike. “We still need to talk!”

 

“We can talk later,” said Steve. And with that, he escaped.

 

The sheriff raised an eyebrow at his eagerness. “The kids okay?”

 

“Yeah, just teenage boy problems, nothing to worry about.”

 

After a few steps, Hopper said, “I guess you've heard about the new kid?”

 

Steve nodded. Dustin had excitedly told him all about it. “Yeah, it's One, right?”

 

“Right. The thing is… tomorrow I'll be at work all day, and Jane's at school, and I'm not sure that One should be left alone. I was gonna ask Nancy, but-”

 

“Wait, hold on,” interrupted Steve. “Are you asking me to babysit? Why does everyone ask me to babysit?”

 

“No, not babysit. She's about your age. You just gotta go for a couple hours, make sure she eats some lunch.”

 

“That's all?”

 

“She's been alone her whole life. It seems cruel to leave her alone now,” said Hopper. “What do you say?”

 

And really, how could Steve say no to that without feeling like a total asshole?

 

“Fine. I'll do it.’


	4. Chapter 4: Someone New

One was scared.

 

No, that’s not right.

 

One was _nervous_.

 

Her stomach was tight with anticipation. Today she was meeting someone new.

 

One was alone. Again.

 

Jim had gone to work, and Jane to school. The house seemed too quiet without them, the ceiling cavernous above her. It had been three days since she had been alone, and already she had gotten used to the hum of energy that people brought with them. The door seemed to be staring at her. Jim had told her that she was allowed out, but asked her not to go too far away, in case she got lost. Part of her was still skeptical. What if this was a test? Logically, she knew this wasn’t the case; when he had told her, she had been unable to resist checking whether he was telling the truth.

 

One checked the clock. The clock was new to her, but Jim had explained how to read it. She had five hours until Jane came home. Steve would be here soon.

 

One was trying very hard not to resent Steve, but it was hard once she realised why he would be coming. She had told Jim that she didn't need a babysitter, but Jim had insisted. One hadn't had a lot of practice with saying no.

 

She tried to get on with her book. Jim had recommended it after checking her reading level; she had felt something close to pride when he told her _good job._ The book looked old and well read. She wondered how many times Jim had read it.

 

She didn’t realise that she had zoned out until a heavy knock at the door jerked her back to the present. Startled, the book fell from her hands as she froze in place. She knew she was supposed to… what was she supposed to do? A white haze of anxiety had swept over her. The knocking picked back up again, more insistent this time. Who was it? Oh god, was it Dr Brenner?

 

“Hey, One? You in there?”

 

One dragged in a breath.

 

_Steve._

 

With shaking hands, she unlocked the door. On the porch stood a boy, around her height, with cheeks pink from the cold and hair sticking up in a way that One thought looked rather silly. He was significantly less intimidating than she had imagined.

 

“Hello,” said One, the word sounding new and uncomfortable on her tongue. She stepped aside to allow Steve to enter.

 

Steve bobbed his head. “Hey,” he said, “I’m Steve. I guess Hopper already told you I was coming?”

 

One looked at him for a moment, trying to discern whether this was rhetorical.

 

She must have taken too long to respond, because Steve raised an eyebrow. “Okay,” he said, drawing out the word.

 

“Yes.”

 

“What?” Steve asked, confused.

 

“Yes. Jim told me,” said One.

 

“Right,” said Steve. “So, uh… have you had lunch yet?”

 

One shook her head, and Steve took this as his cue to enter the kitchen, opening up cupboards at random. “How do you feel about sandwiches?”

 

Bemused, One replied, “They're… good?”

 

“Cool,” said Steve, digging out some ingredients from the fridge. He looked very at home here in this stranger's kitchen. One wondered if she would ever feel that at home anywhere. Belatedly, she realised that she was staring, which she had been told was a little creepy. She sat down and pretended to read her book until the food was ready.

 

When Steve announced that he was done, they both sat at the table, the sound of the plates being placed down loud in the silence. The two of them avoided each other's eyes. One covertly peeked up every so often in an attempt to match his speed - she had noticed Jim giving her weird looks when she ate too fast. Even so, One finished just a little before him.

 

Steve fidgeted for a moment, before saying, “So how are you liking it? Living here, I mean.”

One startled. “It's… better. Better than before.”

Steve gave her an uncomfortable sort of smile, stretched too tight on his face. “That's good.”

 

One was conflicted. Part of her was desperate to continue this conversation, always craving some sort of connection, like a ravenous pit in her stomach. At the same time, she wanted to shove Steve out of her space until she could breathe properly again. Her head was a tangled mess of hope and fear, and she had no idea how to make sense of it. In the stories she read, this always seem to come easily; strangers would reach out to each other, learning each other like it was as natural as breathing. Every time One opened her mouth, her words were sharp and disjointed, caught in her teeth. With each moment that passed, it seemed a little more impossible.

 

“You can… do whatever you normally do. Pretend I'm not here,” said Steve, running a hand through his ridiculous hair. One nodded, recognising this as a dismissal, and returned to her chair to pretend to read her book. Steve remained at the kitchen table. Silence fell again.

 

* * *

  


“Hi, Hop.”

 

Jim stood sharply. He hadn't expected to see Joyce today, particularly not in his office. She wasn't a big fan of the station - too many memories.

 

“Joyce? What's wrong? Is Will okay?” Jim asked, panicked.

 

“No, no, everything’s fine. I just wanted to give you this,” she said, handing him a paper bag. At his raised eyebrow, she explained, “Lunch.”

 

“Lunch,” Jim repeated, dumbfounded.  

 

“Yep. I know you’re busy, with the girls and everything, so I figured I would drop some real food in. Cigarettes aren’t lunch, Hop,” she said with a teasing grin.

 

Jim laughed, “You’re one to talk.” He sat back down, gesturing for her to take a seat.

 

“I can't stay long - I'm just on my lunch break - I just wanted to check how things were going.”

 

“Oh, you know. Disastrous,” Hopper grinned wryly.

 

“Situation normal, huh?” Joyce gave shy smile.

 

“Exactly.” Hopper pulled a carefully wrapped sandwich. Joyce laughed.

 

“So where's One now?”

 

“I've got that Steve Harrington kid watching her,” said Hopper.

 

“Steve? Will talks about him a lot,” said Joyce.

 

“Yeah, seems like a good guy. How is Will?”

 

“He’s… I don't know,” she said, shoulders hunching forward. “I think he's okay. Just- he's been distant recently.”

 

“Hey, don't worry,” said Hopper, reaching a hand over to cover hers. “He's a tough kid. He'll be okay.”

 

Joyce smiled at him gratefully. “I know. I just worry.”

“I know,” said Hopper, voice warm. “But you don't need to. I've got you.”

 

Joyce looked at him a moment, thoughtful. “I know. I know.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	5. Chapter 5: Good Advice

“Steve! Steve, you there?”

 

Steve grabbed his radio. “What, Dustin?” 

 

“We need to talk,” said Dustin.

 

“I doubt it,” Steve replied. 

 

“I'll be at yours in fifteen.”

 

Steve checked the time: almost ten. Definitely too late for Dustin to be riding anywhere alone. Even if the Upside Down was really closed, there was no reason to take stupid risks.

 

“For Christ sake. I'll be at yours in five. Don't move.”

  
  


By the time Steve pulled up outside Dustin's, he was already regretting his decision to come. He really wanted to go to bed; sitting in uncomfortable silence all day was exhausting.

 

When Steve rung the bell, the door swung open almost instantaneously, and Dustin grabbed onto Steve and pulled him inside with childlike impatience. 

 

“Dude, what did you say to Mike?”

 

“Huh?” Steve said eloquently.

 

“Ever since you had a talk with Will, Mike has been acting super weird, like he's mad at Will or something. He won't tell us what you said,” explained Dustin. “Why is he mad at Will?”

 

“I don't know,” said Steve. Dustin raised an unimpressed brow. “I don't know!”

 

“Well, whatever it is you  _ don't know,”  _ said Dustin, “You need to fix this. And soon. It's breaking up the party. Mike looks angry all the time, and I don't think he's told El what's up. Will looks sad, Lucas and Max are always together, and it sucks!”

 

“Hey, hey,” Steve said, placating. “I'll sort it out, okay? Don't worry about it. I've got this.”

 

Dustin let out a heavy sigh. “Okay.”

 

Steve took this as his cue to put the kid in a headlock. As much as Dustin complained about it messing up his hair, Steve suspected he didn't mind so much.

  
  
  


In bed that night, Steve couldn't sleep. He couldn't figure out why Mike was mad at Will. It made no sense. Why would he be mad that Will had a crush on a girl? If anything, he should feel sorry for the kid; unrequited love sucks. 

 

Unless-

 

Unless Mike thought the girl was El.

 

_ Son of a bitch _ .

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


“What's wrong?” One asked.

 

Steve was sat at the kitchen table, poking at his food. He looked sad. Even his hair was flat.

 

“Nothing,” he lied. It wasn't even a good lie, thought One. She didn't want to push him, though.

 

“Okay. You don't have to tell me.”

 

Steve seemed to hesitate here. “It's not that. It's just- it's a secret.”

 

“A bad secret?” One asked, concerned.

 

“No,” said Steve. “I just don't know what to do.”

 

One nodded, deep in thought. Part of her was curious to know, but on the other hand… no one had ever voluntarily told her a secret before. She wanted to share this like normal people do.

 

“I promise I won't tell,” offered One.

 

After a moment of indecision, Steve blurted, “It's Jane's friends. One of them told me a secret, and I swore I wouldn't tell anyone, so when one of his friends asked me about it, I lied. But I think I made things worse. So now… I can't fix things unless I tell the secret.”

One frowned. “I see.”

 

“Any advice?”

 

One picked her words carefully. “I'm not sure that I'm best qualified to give you advice.”

 

“Right,” said Steve, slumping a little. One felt bad. Like she had failed him somehow.

 

“What if… what if he told his friend the truth?”

 

Steve frowned. “What if he won't?”

 

“Do you think it's in his best interest to tell?” One asked.

 

“I… yeah. I think so. But he's scared,” explained Steve.

 

“Maybe you can help him to not be scared,” suggested One.

 

“Yeah,” said Steve, voice slow and thoughtful. “Maybe, yeah.” Steve have her a small, but honest, smile and hope bloomed in her chest. She returned it, the expression unfamiliar but sweet on her face. One had made Steve  _ smile.  _

 

“Can I ask you a question?” One said.

 

“Sure,” shrugged Steve.

 

“What's your favourite name?”

 

Steve blinked, thrown. “Uh. I don't know. Out of any name?”

 

One nodded.

 

“Um. Nolan. You ever heard of Nolan Ryan? Iconic,” said Steve.

 

One considered this. “Can that be my name? Nolan?” One said, the name careful on her tongue.

 

Steve raised His eyebrows. “No- I mean, yes, but it's a guy's name. Nolan Ryan, he's a baseball player.” 

 

“So… I can't?” One gave him a disappointed look.

 

Steve looked guilty. “No, that's not what I meant,” he said quickly. “You can have whatever name you want.”

 

One was silent for a moment. “Nolan.”

 

Steve smiled. “Okay, Nolan.”

 

Nolan grinned.

  
  
  
  


Later that evening, when Jim and Jane had returned, she told them, “I'm Nolan.”

 

Jane nodded seriously and said, “Hello, Nolan.”

 

Jim cracked a bemused but warm smile. “Nice to meet you, Nolan.”

 

Nolan grinned, chest full with happiness. She wondered if this was what family felt like.

  
  


* * *

 

 

 

Steve tried to look casual as he knocked the door, despite the fact he was holding his breath. Jonathan opened the door, a surprised expression on his face. “Oh. Hey.”

 

“Hey,” said Steve. “Is Will there?”

 

“Uh. Yeah. I'll just let him know you're here,” said Jonathan, holding the door open so that Steve could enter. The Byers house was looking nicer than last time he'd seen it, tidy and clean. Still, Steve felt a little on edge. He didn't know how the Byers lived here, after everything. Steve didn't think he could never get to sleep in this house. Whatever else, no one could say the Byers were cowards.

 

When Jonathan returned, he had a strange expression on his face, like he wasn't sure if he should be hostile or sympathetic. “Will doesn't want to see you.”

 

“He doesn't-” Steve cut himself off, pinching his nose. “Okay, I know this is a dick move, but please don't punch me.” And with that, Steve ducked past Jonathan and ran to Will's bedroom, not bothering to knock before he burst in.

 

Will was stood with his hands clenched into fists. “Get out!” Will yelled.

 

“Look, I didn't tell Mike. Okay? I swear,” panted Steve.

 

Steve heard Jonathan's footsteps behind him, and then his hand grabbed Steve's shoulder, yanking him away. Steve stumbled out into the hallway, putting his hands up in surrender. “What the hell, Steve?” Jonathan said, voice sharp, as he dragged him towards the front door.

 

“Wait,” Will's voice called out. “Jonathan, don't.”

 

Jonathan stopped, though his expression was unsure. “You want to speak to him?”

 

Will nodded, looking a little embarrassed.

 

“Okay,” said Jonathan, backing off with an apologetic expression. Steve gave him an understanding nod; they were all a little overprotective of Will nowadays.

  
  


Steve approached Will's room with caution, not sure if Will would change his mind, but Will let him inside and closed the door. Steve worried that Jonathan might think it's weird, but he didn't think Will would want to be overheard. Will stood with his ear to the door for a minute (presumably waiting for his brother to walk away), before saying, “Mike won't talk to me. What did you tell him?” Will's eyes were narrowed in suspicion, arms crossed.

 

“I swear, I just told him that you had girl problems.”

 

“Then why is he mad at me?” Will challenged.

 

“Well… I think that he somehow got the impression the girl was Jane,” said Steve, wincing.

 

“He  _ what _ ? Why?” Will cried.

 

Steve ran a hand through his hair. “He jumped to conclusions.”

 

“Shit,” cursed Will. He collapsed heavily onto his bed. “What do I do?” 

 

Steve pulled his desk chair over and sat opposite him. “Hey, hey, no. We’ll figure this out, okay?”

 

Will looked doubtful, but said, “Okay.”

 

“I think the best solution would be to tell Mike the truth,” said Steve. He could see Will gearing up to disagree, and quickly added, “I know, just hear me out, okay? If we keep lying, don't you think it will make it worse when he finds out?”

 

“That means he's going to hate me either way,” said Will, despondent. 

 

“Dude, no. Mike loves you. Seriously, he fought actual monsters for you, do you really think he would hate you for being- y'know, for liking boys?”

 

“I don't know. I think my dad knows. I mean, he always called me a fag. He hates me,” said Will, blinking away tears. “If it made my dad hate me…”

 

Steve reached out, squeezed his shoulder. “Will, that's not on you. Sometimes, dads are just assholes. That's his problem. You're a great kid-” Will started shaking his head, tears spilling over. “No, listen,” Steve continued, “Anyone would be lucky to have you. Your mom, your brother, they both love you. I wish someone loved me like that.” Steve reddened. “What I'm saying is, I am absolutely certain that the important people aren't going to care.”

 

Will covered his face with his hands. “I'm just- I'm scared.”

 

“I know,” said Steve. 'You don't have to, but if you want to tell Mike, we can do it together. I'll be right there with you.”

 

“Promise?” Will asked shakily.

 

“Promise,” said Steve.

 

“Okay. I'll do it.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	6. Chapter Six: Those Who Wander

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long! hope you enjoy, feedback is always welcome x

  
  


Nolan was having a bad day. It wasn't the usual kind of bad, the familiar hollow space in her chest that she could almost ignore. This was different - a thrumming energy under her skin, like an itch she couldn't scratch. She felt like the world was scraping against her. That morning at breakfast, everything seemed bad. Jim's questions, the way Jane drowned her food in syrup, the burnt edges on her toast; everything seemed to make this buzzing worse. She wanted everyone to just stop. She couldn't understand it.

 

Steve was late. Every second that passed with his knock on the door exacerbated it. When he finally showed (with a casual hey, like he wasn't thirteen minutes late), she had a strong urge to shove him back out of the door. The violence of it frightened her a little. Whatever else, she had never thought she was mean. 

 

“You okay?” Steve questioned, his brows pulled down low over his eyes. Belatedly, Nolan realised that some of this has shown on her face.

 

“Yes,” she said politely, carefully crafting a neutral expression.

 

Steve seemed to accept this, moving to the kitchen to start on lunch, as per the little routine they had created. Nolan stayed silent. She wasn't sure what would come out, if she opened her mouth. 

 

After lunch was done and the plates cleared, Steve sat back down at the table, leaning forward intently. “Okay, cmon. What's wrong?”

 

Taken off guard, Nolan's voice was a little weird when she told him, “I'm fine.”

 

Steve have her an unimpressed look. “Did something happen?”

 

“No. I just- I don't know,” she shook her head.

 

“Okay,” said Steve. “What do you feel?”

 

“What do I feel?” Nolan repeated.

 

“Yeah. Just describe it to me,” he said, encouraging. 

 

Nolan's fingers twisted together in her lap as she searched for the words. Her vocabulary was pretty good, but applying them to herself was a challenge. “I feel… too much. And I keep wanting to-” she choked for a moment. “I want to hurt everyone.” She swallowed hard, ashamed.

 

Steve didn't look afraid, or disgusted. If anything, he looked relieved. “So you're angry?”

 

Nolan considered this. “But… I don't know why.” 

 

“Nolan, if anyone has a good reason to be angry, it's you,” laughed Steve.

 

“I just… I thought it was supposed to get better.”

 

Steve abruptly turned serious. “Hey. It will. It just takes time.”

 

Nolan nodded, but privately wondered how long it would take. She was tired of waiting.

 

“But hey,” continued Steve, “I've got an idea. Let's get out of here.”

 

“What?” Nolan asked, but Steve was already a flurry of movement, grabbing his jacket and throwing her one of Jim's. “Where are we going?”

 

Steve shot her a charming grin. “Trust me.”

 

“Right,” said Nolan, and surprisingly, she sort of did. 

 

Nolan followed Steve out to his car, and didn't ask questions when he started driving. Despite the chill of the day, the sun flooded in through the windows, flitting across her face as they drove. Steve had the radio up high, drowning out the sound of the engine. Nolan didn't know the song, but the beat was energetic, and Steve bobbed his head along to the tune, humming under his breath. 

 

The journey was short, and soon enough Steve stopped on a rural looking road in, as far as Nolan could tell, the middle of nowhere. Steve got out of the car without comment, and Nolan copied, walking around to meet him.

 

“Where now?” Asked Nolan.

 

“Just follow me,” Steve replied. Nolan still looked unconvinced, so he reached out and took her hand. “Okay?’

 

Nolan nodded, and together the pair set out. There was no path, but Steve seemed to know the way, weaving through the trees confidently. After a minute or so, they came across a clearing. Nolan looked around, perplexed. Abandoned cars littered the space, looking sad and unloved. The pair of them picked through until they reached roughly the centre. 

 

“That one,” said Steve, pointing out a rusted car. 

 

“What about it?” Nolan asked, but Steve ignored in favour of climbing up onto the bonnet, and then the roof.

 

“Come on,” he beckoned. Nolan followed. Stood atop of the car, they could see out far, a sea of rusting metal stretching out. She looked at Steve, impatient for him to get to the point.

 

“Now scream,” he said.

 

“What?”

 

“Just trust me, okay? Take all that anger and just-” Steve cut off, cupping a hand around his mouth and yelling wordlessly, face tilted towards the sky. Nolan looked at him like maybe he had gone mad, but a smile was playing about her lips. “Your turn.”

 

Nolan bounced on her toes, psyching herself up. She had spent her life in silence; making so much noise seemed taboo. Still, she wanted to. She trusted him.

 

Mimicking Steve, she faced up to the stretch of blue above her and let out a deafening scream. Steve grinned gleefully, joining in with her. A flock of birds took off from the nearby trees, startling them into laughter.

 

“I like this,” Nolan stated simply. 

 

Steve wore a strange expression, smiling, but sort of wistful. “Yeah, me too.” He sat down on the roof of the car, leaning back and letting his long legs swing of the edge. Nolan felt silly standing by herself. She joined him, lying there like parallel lines. The sky was too bright to look at, so Nolan closed her eyes instead, and light through her eyelids turned everything a warm red, almost too dazzling still. Steve’s heel hit the side door as he swung his legs, a rhythmic thumping, but it was otherwise peaceful.

 

“It was good advice, y’know,” said Steve, apropos of nothing.

 

Nolan pushed up onto an elbow so that she could see Steve’s face. “Yeah?”

 

“That kid I was talking about,” he said, “we’re going to talk to his friend tonight, gonna talk it out.”

 

“Good,” Nolan said. She looked down at him. The lines of his face were lit up by the sun, and he looked golden in the light. With his head tilted back, his hair fell at strange angles, making it look even more goofy than usual. Against her own will, she couldn’t help but snort a little.

 

“What?” he asked, teasing.

 

“Nothing,” she evaded, a mischievous quirk on her lips.

 

“No, what? Why are you laughing at me?” said Steve. He poked her in the ribs, and she squealed a little, grabbing his hand in defence.

 

“Your hair looks silly.”

 

Steve gave her a look of overdramatic devastation, clutching at his chest. “You would me deep, Nolan,” he said gravely. Only then, it seemed, did Steve notice that she was still holding his hand. He gave Nolan a probing look. She wondered if she had crossed another unwritten line - sometimes it was hard to tell - and dropped his hand, embarrassed. Steve frowned a little, and she began to regret it, but then he hopped down from the car with a casual grin. “C’mon, let’s get you home before Chief realises I took you out without permission.”

 

“Okay,” she said, following him down. “Could we-” she broke off, shaking her head. “Never mind.”

 

“What?” asked Steve.

 

“Could we come back sometime?”

 

Steve’s eyes crinkled as he smiled. “Sure we can.”

 

“Good,” said Nolan.

 

“Good,” agreed Steve.


	7. Chapter 7: Courage

  
  
  
  


Will thought he might throw up. 

 

He was on the Wheeler's doorstep, with Steve stood behind him. He had yet to knock.

 

Steve put a hand on one of Will's bony shoulders. “You've got this, kid,” said Steve, with an undercurrent of false confidence. It was not reassuring.

 

With a shuddering exhale, he reached out and rang the bell. He heard the ring echoed through the house, and instantaneously wished he could grab the sound and shove it somewhere quiet where no one would ever hear it. He waited with baited breath for the door to open. This was, thought Will, probably the first time in his life that he didn't want to see Mike. As usual, his wish didn't come true; Mike opened the door.

 

“Oh… hey. What's up?” Mike asked warily.

 

“Can we talk?” said Will. His voice sounded weird, and he hoped no one else had noticed. 

 

Mike beckoned them inside, and Will followed the familiar path to the basement. The three took seats around the table. It was a little too quiet - usually they were down here playing D&D with Lucas and Dustin, and without them the air felt a little colder.

 

“So,” started Will, before realising he didn’t know how to finish the sentence. 

 

“So I think you boys have some stuff to talk out,” said Steve diplomatically, “because I am tired of this awkward thing going on.”

 

The boys both looked a little affronted at this, but Steve gave them a cool look and they backed down.

 

“Fine,” said Mike. “You want to know my problem is? I just- I can’t  _ believe _ you didn’t tell me. El’s my… well, she’s my  _ something!” _

 

“No, Mike, listen-”

 

“It goes against everything the party is about!” exclaimed Mike.

 

“I don’t like El, okay?!” Will yelled.

 

Mike blinked. “What?”

 

“I don’t have a crush on her,” repeated Will, defensively crossing his arms around his narrow frame. “I don’t”

 

“Oh,” said Mike. He looked stunned, and then slowly turned a little pink. “I thought-” Mike shook his head.

 

“Well y’know what they say about making assumptions,” interjected Steve, smug.

 

Will frowned. “What do they say?”

 

“Well,” said Steve. “Uh- I don’t know.” He frowned for a second, before rallying. “The point is, you shouldn’t have assumed.”

 

“Yes, mom,” said Mike, rolling his eyes. Steve squawked indignantly.

 

“Hey, don’t talk to your mother like that,” quipped Will, smiling shyly. Mike gave him a grin, and for a second, it was like they had never fought. 

 

“So… If you didn’t like El, what was all that stuff you said about Will liking a girl?” Mike asked Steve.

 

“Well, that wasn’t strictly true,” shrugged Steve. “Will asked me to cover for him.”

 

Mike frowned, hurt. “Why?”

 

Steve and Mike looked to Will, but he was staring down at grain of the table. 

 

“Will? What aren’t you telling me?” said Mike, his voice soft and almost afraid.

 

Will tried to meet his gaze, but ended up look back down at his hands; the sincerity in Mike’s eyes was unbearable. Will tried to tell him - he really did - but when he opened his mouth no sound came out. His throat closed over, and he blinked fiercely to prevent tears from falling over. Seeing this Mike reached out to cover Will’s hands with his own, but Will jerked away sharply before he made contact. He didn’t want Mike to touch him. (It felt like he might contaminate him.)

 

“Will, please,” implored Mike.

 

“Crazy together, right?” said Will, voice desperate.

 

It took Mike a moment to remember what Will was referencing - those dark days of the Mind Flayer that he had tried so hard to forget - but when he did, he smiled tearfully. “Yeah. Yeah, of course. Crazy together.”

 

Steve reached over and planted his hand on Will’s shoulder again. 

 

_ Courage,  _ Will remind himself. He remembered what Bob had told him, about nightmares, and telling the fear to go away. It had been terrible advice at the time, but maybe… maybe now, it would help.

 

“Mike,” said Will, “I like boys.”

 

Mike sat back slightly, processing this. “You-,” he swallowed, “You like boys?”

 

Will nodded, resolute.

 

“Okay,” said Mike.

 

“Okay? As in-”

 

“It’s fine,” Mike shrugged.

 

“So… we’re still friends?” asked Will.

 

Mike looked incredulous. “Well, yeah! Christ, Will, I fought actual monsters for you! You think I’m gonna quit being your friend because you  _ like boys?” _

 

Will looked sheepish. “I don’t know.”

 

Mike stood and rounded the table, pulling Will into a tight hug. “You’re an idiot, Will Byers,” he laughed. Will laughed too, though the sound was wet. He clung to Mike tighter. 

 

“You’re both idiots,” said Steve fondly.


	8. Chapter 8: Progress

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I know, it's been a while, sorry! Uni has been crazy. Thanks for all the lovely comments, your encouragement is what keeps me writing

Nolan was pissed.

 

She was an adult. She knew that her upbringing was - well, it was unusual to say the least - but she wasn't stupid, and she definitely was not a child. This didn't stop Steve from treating her like one. She knew he wasn't doing it maliciously, but it still stung. She hadn't noticed at first; It wasn't like Steve was treating her like Jane. In fact, it wasn't until she had something to compare to that she realised.

It started like this: Nancy had come to visit, just briefly, to pick up Jane. Steve had been on edge all day, waiting for the knock at the door. He hadn't said why, but Nolan could guess. It was clear in the careful way he said her name that they had history. Nolan couldn't help but pick up on the way he neatened his hair before he opened the door.

Nancy was pretty, all bird bones and curly hair.  She offered Steve an uncomfortable smile, something like guilt thinning her lips, before offering Jane a real one, ruffling her hair like a sister. Jane swiped at her hand, whining about her messing it up (she had spent the last quarter hour fixing it with flowery pins). Nancy introduced herself to Nolan, friendly in a way that grated on her. Nolan replied stiffly, “Hello. I'm Nolan.” The name still sounded a little strange. Nancy nodded, and with that she was gone, Jane whirled away with her.

 

Steve was distant and thoughtful after they had left, which left Nolan to think. The way he had interacted with Nancy was somehow very different to to the way he spoke to Nolan. With her, they seemed… equals. With Nolan, it was different, and could she blame him? The whole reason he was here was to babysit her. He still made her lunch every day, for Christ sake. That was when she decided. She would have to make a change.

So when Steve asked whether she was hungry, her response was, “Sure. I'll cook.”

Steve looked up, wide eyed. “Uh… are you sure?”

“Yes,” replied Nolan resolutely. She strode into the kitchen and started rifling through the contents of the fridge. “What would you like?”

Steve hesitated. “Sandwiches?” He suggested.

“Okay,” said Nolan, grabbing bread and fillings out. She then went to grab plates, before realising she didn't know where they were kept. She started opening cupboards at random.

“Wait,” said Steve, following her into the kitchen. She ignored him, too focused on finding the plates. “Nolan, stop.” Steve reached out to touch her elbow, and she stilled. “What's wrong?” He asked, voice soft.

“I'm not a child,” stated Nolan.

Steve looked at her, lost. “I know. Why are you upset?”

“Because you treat me like I am,” said Nolan, frustration leaking into her voice. “You babysit me, but I'm not a baby, okay? I survived this long without anyone helping me, I don't need anyone's help!”

“Shit. Nolan, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…” He let out a slow breath, eyebrows pulled together in a worried expression. “I know you're an adult. I'm sorry if I patronised you.”

Nolan slumped a little - she suddenly felt rather silly for shouting. “No, I'm sorry.”

Steve ducked down a little so he could see her face. “Hey, no, don't do that. You're allowed to say when something upsets you.”

Nolan nodded, noncommittal.

“How about this. From now on, we can take turns at making lunch, okay?”

“Okay,” she agreed.

“But just so you know… it's okay if you do need help, y'know? Nobody's gonna think less of you,” said Steve.

Nolan considered this for a moment. “Alright. Where are the plates?”

 

Steve smiled and pulled out some plates, whilst Nolan started on the sandwiches, moving in harmony again.

 


	9. Chapter Nine: The Search Party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait! I'm gonna try to get another chapter up today to make up for it x

Nolan had really fucked things up this time.

 

It had started fairly innocuous, with the headaches. They weren’t so bad, and she could hide them pretty easily, because she knew headaches never lead to anything good - more tests, more probing. She knew there wasn’t any doctors here, but it seemed safer to pretend they weren’t happening, and that wasn’t really lying, was it? No one asked about headaches, so she wasn’t really lying by not mentioning them.

 

It didn’t matter, in the end. As it turns out, Nolan wasn’t quite as good at pretending as she thought; she had gotten rusty. And now she was gonna pay for it.

 

It was Jim who figured it out. It was a quiet Sunday evening when he said to her, “Hey, you want some painkillers?” Startled, Nolan had just blinked dumbly at him. “For the headaches. You keep rubbing your temples. You’ve been having them a lot recently, right?”

 

It was like all the air had gone out of the room. “No, I haven’t,” Nolan denied, too quick to sound honest. 

 

“It’s fine. I was thinking we would have to get you registered at the doctors soon anyway-”

 

Oh god, thought Nolan, this is it. Her whole body jerked with fear, on her feet, reflexively throwing the nearest weapon she had - the book she had been reading - whilst darting to the front door. She had to get out, she had to-

 

Where would she go? She should have planned for this, so stupid of her to think she was safe here, she had no supplies, nowhere to go. She could hear Hopper cursing behind her, he was chasing her, and he was faster than her but it was dark out, she just had to lose him and she would be free. She darted between trees, not noticing the way the ground cut into her bare feet, nor the cold night air around her, her mind on nothing but escaping, she wouldn’t go back to the doctors, she _ wouldn’t- _

 

She could still distantly hear Hopper calling for her, but it was further away, she had lost him, but she didn’t stop running, her lungs burning, adrenaline pushing her further. One wouldn’t let him find her, he would take her to them, and they-

 

_ -They frowned at her answers as she desperately tried to tell them the right thing, if she could only get it right they would stop injecting her, stop cutting into her brain, please, she couldn’t take it anymore, no she couldn’t make it move, no she couldn’t hear what they were thinking, yes it hurt, it hurt, please don’t make me- _

 

Nolan didn’t know where she was anymore, it was dark and cold and she was so tired and scared. She was alone again, and she hated it, but it was better than being with the doctors, anything was better than that, so she just had to keep moving so that no one could find her, but it was getting harder to run, her head spinning and her muscles burning and she was so tired.

 

She was unconscious before her head hit the ground.

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  
  


“Two tickets for  _ Back to the Future.” _

 

“That’ll be eight dollars.”

 

“For two tickets?”

 

“Hey, man,” said Steve, “I don’t make the prices.”

 

The guy grumbled, but bought the tickets. Steve refrained from rolling his eyes. He wasn’t paid enough to put up with this shit. He put the money in the register and looked up at his next customer, only to startle with surprise. “Hopper? What are you doing here?” The Chief looked serious, and his skin was a little gray; he didn’t look like someone going to the movies.

 

“I need your help,” said Hopper.

 

“Uh,” Steve hesitated, “I’m kinda working right now. Can it wait until after my shift?”

 

“No. It’s Nolan.”

 

“Shit,” muttered Steve, shucking his unform vest. He called out, “Yo Paul, I gotta cut out early,” he called out as he rounded the counter. 

 

“Dude, what?” Paul yelled.

 

“He’s with me,” said Hopper, and that settled it. Steve climbed into the Chiefs truck without question. “Nolan’s missing.”

 

“Missing how?” Steve asked, alarmed.

 

“My fault,” muttered Hopper grimly. “I freaked her out. She ran out into the woods.”

 

“Shit. Shouldn’t we call the police?” At Hoppers dry look, Steve added, “I mean, the rest of the police?”

 

“She’s pretty scared right now, I think if she hears strangers, she’s gonna run in the other direction. She doesn’t trust me right now, but she trusts you and Jane.”

 

“Got it. So what happened?” asked Steve, cautiously.

 

The officer didn’t reply straight away, his expression thoughtful. “Did Nolan ever talk to you about Hawkins Lab? About what they did to her?”

 

“No.”

 

“Nah, me neither,” said Hopper, eyes never leaving the road. “She seemed to be coping so well, and I didn’t want to upset her. Stupid,” he huffed, “I should have known. Anyway, she’s been getting headaches - she didn’t say anything, but it was kind of obvious - and I suggested we take her to a doctor.”

 

Steve thought back to what he had heard about Hawkins National Laboratory, from Nancy, and the kids. The tests, the experiments, the  _ doctors _ . “Shit.”

 

“Yep,” the Chief replied flatly, pulling in to the cabins driveway. Jane was sitting on the step, bundled in a coat and looking antsy.

 

“Now we go?” she called as they stepped out the truck.

 

“Yep, come on. Let’s go find Nolan,” Hopper said, determined, grabbing supplies out of the trunk. 

 

Flashlights illuminating the dense treeline, the trio set out.


	10. Chapter Ten: Safe and Scared

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning for a panic attack in this chapter

 

Nolan groaned. She knew she had to be quiet, but she  _ hurt.  _ Her fingers were numb with cold, and her head was aching more than ever, and - where was she? She was on the ground… somewhere. In the woods? She sat up, but this just made her feel dizzy and nauseated. She carefully leaned back against a tree, taking slow breaths. She breathed out puffs of smoke, watched the air curling under the moonlight, mesmerised. She felt a little calmer - it was never this cold in the facility. After a while, she heard voice in the distance, and thought vaguely of running, but she was tired, and it didn’t feel too urgent. It wasn’t until the voices came closer, resolving into words, and flashlights blinded her, that her lungs tightened in panic, breaths too shallow. They were looking for her. They wanted to take her to _ them _ . She wouldn’t go. She wouldn’t.

 

“Nolan!” they called. They were close now, close enough to hear their footsteps. Nolan was frozen. She should have run when she had the chance. Instead, she curled up as tight as she could, hoping that she wouldn’t be spotted. She tried to slow her breathing, and when that failed, to stop breathing altogether. 

 

“Nolan,” she heard, the tone different this time, and she knew she had been spotted. Desperately, she staggered to her feet and ran, knowing it was futile but too scared to stay still. The footsteps sped up behind her, chasing, their voices louder now. Nolan ran fast, as fast as she could, but then someone collided with her from behind, and they fell down in a tangle. Nolan gasped, the air knocked out of her. There were hands on her, someone’s weight on her, pushing her down as she squirmed, shoving her attacker away but not able to break the hold. Her breaths became sharp pants, her mind going white with panic.  _ They got me, they got me, they got me… _

 

She stayed like that for a while, not sure of what was happening around her. People were yelling, and someone was still holding her, and someone else tried to touch her face and she couldn’t make sense of anything and  _ please stop. _

 

Nolan must have said this out loud, as suddenly they went quiet, the large figure in front of her backing away, palms up. Whoever was holding her down moved away, although they kept a grip on one hand. With a bit of space reclaimed, she could breathe a little easier, trying bring air right down the bottom of her lungs. The world was still spinning a little, and she wanted to close her eyes, but she was too afraid, needing to keep the people in her sight.

 

After a while, she became aware that the man holding onto her hand was saying something - quietly murmuring, the words calming and almost too soft to hear. “I’ve got you, you’re safe, it’s okay, you’re safe...” he kept up a constant stream of reassurances. Slowly, she became more aware of her surroundings, as she came down from her panic attack. Looking up at the man crouched next to her, holding her hand in both of his, she asked fuzzily, “Steve?”

 

Steve gave a relieved sigh. “Yeah, it’s me.”

 

“Oh,” said Nolan, voice small. A large part of her wanted to burrow into him, seek safety in his arms, but she wasn’t sure he could trust him. After all, he had known Hopper longer than her; maybe Steve had come to help take her to the doctors. Standing a little way away was Hopper, looking kind of sad. Half hidden behind him was Jane. She looked worried, but also a little scared, and Nolan’s stomach twisted at the thought that Jane - brave, wonderful Jane - was afraid of her. Or maybe Jane was afraid  _ for  _ her. After all, Jane had met the doctors too.

 

“Nolan? You with me?” Steve asked.

 

“Yes,” said Nolan, her throat tight. “Steve, are you going to take me to-... to the doctors?”

 

Steve looked at her for a moment, brows low over his eyes. “No,” he swore, “I’m never going to make you do something you don’t want to, okay?”

 

Nolan knew she should be suspicious - people always wanted her to do things, and her opinion had never been considered relevant - but she was too tired to question him further. Her limbs were trembling, whether from the cold or the adrenaline crash, she wasn’t sure. Slowly, she tilted in towards Steve, craving the closeness but unsure how to ask for it. Thankfully, he seemed to understand, pulling her in toward him, arms wrapped tight around her. She pushed her face into the crook of his neck, his warmth burning her skin. “Jesus, you’re cold,” he murmured. If he noticed the tears dripping onto his shirt collar, he didn’t mention it. He carefully lifted her, and she instinctively looped her arms around his shoulders. “Let’s go home,” he said.

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  


The heavy feeling in Hoppers gut hadn’t faded when they found Nolan, nor when they got her home. She had quickly fell asleep on the couch, exhausted. Hopper had hastily thrown a blanket over her - she had yet to stop shivering. When he was certain that she was really asleep, he grabbed a pack of smokes and snuck out to the front porch, hoping the nicotine would take the bitter taste away. 

 

He wasn’t out long before Steve followed him out, perching on the step next to him. “You alright?” he asked cautiously.

 

“Peachy,” snarked Hopper. “She’s terrified of me.”

 

Steves shoulders slumped. “That’s not on you, man. She’ll come round.”

 

“You think so?” Hopper said, tone skeptical.

 

“Yeah, of course. You’re family,” said Steve.

 

Hopper put his cigarette to his lips, and if his breath was shaky, Steve wasn’t about to mention it.

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  
  


“I know you’re awake,” whispered Jane, “but it’s okay, it’s just us now.”

 

Nolan considered pretending not to hear this, but she didn’t think she could fool Jane. She sat up, even though her muscles protested. 

 

“Hopper won’t take you to the doctors,” said Jane. Nolan tried to hide the fact that the mere mention of the doctors made her heart pick up. “When he says doctors, he doesn’t mean like them. He means…” Jane thought hard. “Healers. They make you better.”

 

Nolans mouth was dry. “They always say they’re making you better. It always hurts.”

 

Jane looked away for a second, and then shook her head, as if shaking the memory out. “I know. It’s different here. Trust me.”

 

Nolan considered this. She liked Jane (and Steve and Hopper and everyone else she had met since the lab), but trust… trust was complicated. If she had learnt anything in the labs, it's that people aren’t to be trusted. You trust someone, you end up hurt. She said nothing. Jane sighed, sad but understanding in that way that only Jane could be. Nolan took the opportunity to retreat to the room - to her room. Maybe she could feel safe there.

 

 

 

The bed was soft and warm, and in a way that was worse. It begged her to relax, to give in to peace, but she couldn’t, not until she knew what Hopper had decided to do. Despite Jane and Steve’s reassurances, she new that it would be Hoppers decision in the end. Maybe it was a misunderstanding. Or maybe he had brought her back here just to give her back to the doctors, to the lab.

 

When the knock on the door came, it startled her so badly that she automatically tucked herself into the corner of the room, as if that might hide her. 

 

“It’s just me.” The voice was muffled through the door, but it was undeniably Steves. Nolan couldn’t quite get her voice to work, so instead she opened her door enough to let Steve slip in. She closed the door quickly after him, as if that would prevent anyone else entering.

 

The pair found themselves in an awkward stand off for a moment; Steve looked vaguely nervous, and Nolan didn’t know what she was supposed to do in this situation. No one really came into her room. Eventually she settled for sitting back on her bed, patting the space next to her in invitation.

 

Steve sat and cleared his throat quietly. “I should probably head home, but I didn’t want to go without making sure you’re okay. I mean, are you? Okay, I mean?”

 

Nolan shrugged, noncommittal. Despite her anxiety, something about Steves presence - his awkwardness,so boyish and unsure - was so comforting in that moment. For a second, Nolan could almost imagine that she was normal, just two teens hanging out in a girls room. It felt almost safe. In a way, it made it hurt more, because she knew that she would inevitably be left alone.

 

“Good. That’s good. Uh,” Steve stood. “I should probably go-”

 

In some sort of reflex, Nolan had reached out and grabbed his wrist, holding him tight. Surprise registered on his face, and Nolan retracted her hand. Nolan turned red, feeling humiliated. Her eyes stung with tears, and she tried to blink them away.

 

Steve sat back down next to her, a hand reaching out to hers. “Nolan,” he said, looking her in the eye, “It’s okay if you don’t want to be alone.”

 

It was the kindness in his voice, his expression, that broke her. She was used to hurting, but this tenderness would kill her. It made it real. A sob escaped, and then Steve was pulling her tight, letting her weep into his shoulder. “It’s okay, its okay to cry,” he told her, stroking her hair back. “It’s okay.”

 

It was a long time before they fell asleep, but when they did it was curled together like commas, Steve not letting go of her even in his sleep. It was the best night sleep that either of them had had in a while.

 


	11. Chapter 11: Meet and Greet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know its been a while, sorry, im rubbish!

Dustin was sure there was something wrong. He had been trying to get in contact with Steve since last night (needing to vent about how gross Lucas and Max are), to no avail. There was no response on his walkie talkie. He had tried calling the Harrington House, but it had rang and rang with no answer. It was unlike him. Dustin and Steve's friendship had been unexpected but unwavering since they had fought the demodogs together, and Steve was always around when Dustin needed him. After school, he had cycled out to Steve's house, but no one answered the door. Worry had started to eat at Dustin. It was probably nothing, but after all the weirdness of the last two years, he wasn’t willing to assume everything was fine. 

 

He biked over to Mike’s next; maybe Steve and Nancy were hanging out. They hadn’t been speaking a lot since the break up, but maybe they had gotten over the awkwardness. Dustin rang the doorbell impatiently. Mr Wheeler opened the door, squinting uselessly at him. “Mike! Your friend’s here!” he called up the stairs, trudging back to his armchair. Dustin listened as footsteps thundered down the stairs.

 

“Dustin, what’s up?”

 

“Have you seen Steve?” he asked.

 

Mike frowned. “No, why?”

 

“He wasn’t answering my calls yesterday or today, and he’s not home. It’s probably nothing, just…”

 

“Yeah okay,” said Mike, not needing any further explanation. “Let me grab my bike.”

 

The two cycled round to Will’s next. Sometimes Steve would come and check in with the kid, occasionally babysitting when both Jonathan and Ms Byers were working. Will opened the door, though Jonathan hovered behind him. “Hey, guys,” Will greeted them cheerfully.

 

“Yo, have you guys seen Steve?”

 

They both shook their heads. “Should we have?” asked Jonathan.

 

“Nope,” said Mike, “we just can’t find him.”

 

“Have you tried Hopper’s? He’s been hanging out with the new kid, One,” suggested Jonathan.

 

“I’ll come with,” said Will, although he looked up at Jonathan for permission.

 

Jonathan hesitated a moment. “Be back before dark, okay?”

 

“Will do!” said Will, running out to grab his bike.

 

The trio rode over to the Hopper’s, all trying to pretend that the wood lined path didn’t creep them out at all. They paused a little before knocking, all a little intimidated by the Chief, before Mike knocked with a roll of his eyes. He rocked on his heels a little. Probably hoping that El would open the door, thought Dustin.

 

El did open the door, and predictably Mike breathed hello shyly, grinning a little. “Hello,” said El, returning his grin.

 

Dustin huffed. “El, is Steve here?”

 

El blinked. “Yes.”

 

“Can we come in?” said Will, tone polite. El opened to door wider, and they slipped in to the warm.

  
  


The scene the boys found was… surprisingly domestic. Steve sat on the sofa, an arm wrapped around a girl around his age. Dustin guessed this was the One that he had heard about, or Nolan, as Steve had been calling her. She was strange looking - pretty, in a way, but also a little unnerving. Her expression reminded him of a stray animal.

 

“Steve! What the hell, man?” Dustin yelled, running over to hi. He didn’t get very far before Jane grabbed his arm, and he looked around, confused. It was only then that he noticed the way the girl looked at him. Fearfully. She looked about ready to run. “Sorry, sorry. Hey, I’m Dustin, a friend of Steve, this is Will and Mike,” he said, pointing behind him.

 

“Uh, guys, mind if I talk to you outside for a minute?” said Steve. The boys looked puzzled, but followed Steve out to the porch without complaint. 

 

“Was that Nolan?” asked Mike.

 

“Are you guys dating?” added Dustin.

 

“Is she okay?” Will questioned, a little quieter than the others.

 

Steve ignored the inquisition. “What are you guys doing here?”

 

“You weren’t picking up the phone, or the radio, and you weren’t at home. What were we supposed to do?” said Dustin.

Steve sighed, running a hand over his face. It was only then that Dustin noticed the tense set of his shoulders, the way his hair was flat and unstyled. “Sorry, guys, I didn’t mean to worry you. I’ve been here since yesterday.”

 

“Wait, you slept over? Holy shit! Hopper’s gonna kill you!” said Dustin, entirely too cheerful at the prospect. 

 

“No! Not like that!” hissed Steve, ears tinged pink. “Nolan… misunderstood Hopper yesterday, ran off into the woods. We found her, but she was pretty freaked. She, uh… didn’t want to be left alone.”

 

The boys were quiet for a moment as they absorbed this. Finally, Will said, “That was kind of you.” Will was too freaking earnest.

 

“Nah, I didn’t mind,” denied Steve, “Nolan’s kind of messed up, but she’s really cool.”

 

“You  _ do _ like her!” teased Mike.

 

Steve didn’t dignify this with a response, just rolled his eyes.

 

“Can we meet her?” Dustin said eagerly.

 

“Uh… I’ll ask her whether she’s up for it. Just wait here for a second,” Steve said, ducking back into the house.

 

“Steve and Nolan, sitting in a tree,” Dustin sung, causing the other boys to break down in giggles.

 

“He’s totally crushing,” agreed Mike.

 

“I don’t know, maybe they’re just friends,” said Will, “but it’s pretty cute either way.”

 

It’s El who beckons them inside, snagging Mike’s hand as he walks past. They share one of those looks, with the eyes and the smiling and Dustin feels vaguely nauseated. 

 

Nolan is stood next to Steve, smiling now, although something about her eyes still looked nervous. “Hello,” she said, “Nice to meet you all.” Her voice sounded a little off - like English was a second language, although there wasn’t an accent either.

 

“Hi,” Will said, “We’ve all heard a lot about you.” Something in Nolan’s expression suggested that she wasn’t sure that was a good thing.

 

“And I’m Mike.” He waved.

Nolan turned to Jane, and they shared a significant look. “Hello, Mike.”

 

The boys chat for a while, regaling them with a tale of their last D&D campaign, but after a while Nolan started getting antsy, glancing up at the clock every minute as if the hand might have jumped forward when she wasn’t looking. Steve, in some weird kind of telepathic communication, seemed to understand this, and says to the kids, “Shouldn’t you munchkins be getting home?”

 

“Oh crap,” said Will, “Jonathan is gonna kill me. Can I use your phone?”

 

“This way,” said Jane, leading him off.

 

“Will’s brother is kind of overprotective,” explained Dustin, and Nolan nodded.

 

Will returned, looking chagrined. “Jonathan is going to pick me up. He doesn’t like me out in the dark.”

 

“Alright, see you later. Race you, Mike!” said Dustin, already halfway to the door. 

 

“One second,” said Mike, pausing to give Jane a quick kiss on the cheek. “See you tomorrow.”

 

And with that, the boys jogged out to their bikes, already trash talking each others speed.

 

* * *

  
  
  


Will was a little embarrassed about being not allowed to ride home like the others. Jonathon’s concern was understandable, given his history, but still frustrating. 

 

“I have to go do homework,” announced Jane, a little pride sneaking into her voice. Jane loved school.

 

“Oh, okay. See you,” said Will, feeling even more awkward at being left alone with Nolan and Steve. Nolan’s nervousness seemed contagious. “Um. Is everything okay?”

 

Nolan opened her mouth as if to speak, but no sound came out. Seeing this, Steve interjected, “Hopper’s late home.”

 

Will, not knowing what to say, nodded. He didn’t quite see how this explained Nolan’s behaviour, but he didn’t want to question it further. 

 

“So, uh, you and Mike, are you good?” asked Steve.

 

“Yeah,” said Will, smiling shyly.

 

“You told any of the others yet?”

 

“Nah, not yet.”

 

Nolan frowned vaguely. “Is this what you were asking for advice on?” she said.

 

“Wait- you told her?” Will said, a hint of betrayal in his voice.

 

“No!”, said Steve, “No, I swear. I mean- okay, kind of, but not really? I just asked for advice about what to do when Mike thought you had a crush on… you know.”

 

“Oh,” murmured Will, deflating. After an uncomfortable pause, he made an attempt at changing the subject. “So, Nolan, do you, uh, have powers like El?”

 

Unfortunately, this seemed to be the exact wrong question to ask; Nolan opened her mouth,but only a choked little noise escaped. Steve looked alarmed, reaching out, but she just fliched away. Will desperately tried to think of something to say, settled on a hushed  _ sorry. _

 

Will was guiltily relieved when the doorbell rang. “That’s Jonathan. I’ll just…” he trailed off, heading towards to door. He heard Steve murmur a distracted goodbye, still focussed on Nolan. 

 

He slipped out. Jonathan was at the bottom of the porch, and he called out, “Hey, Will.”

 

“Hi,” replied Will, and Jonathon, perceptive as always, seemed to get that he didn’t want to talk. The pair got into the car, the engine filling the silence as they pulled away.


	12. Chapter 12: The Paternal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the wonderful comments, and special thanks to OTTSTF for being such an excellent cheerleader.

Nolan knew she had freaked out Will. She had tried to tamp down on her weirdness, not wanting to make a bad impression on Steve’s friends, but then he went and asked about- about abilities and she couldn’t talk about that, she couldn’t, if they  _ knew- _

 

She desperately tried to keep it together, but she found herself drifting like she would when  _ they _ asked her too many times. Everything seemed a little far away.

 

She wasn’t sure how long she sat there, but when she came back down, it was to the familiar sound of Hopper’s truck. She noticed that she was trembling a little, her body betraying her, displaying her fear for anyone to see. And it was seen; Steve was sat by her, watching her. She wanted to tell him, reassure him, that she was okay, but couldn’t find her voice. 

 

As the door clicked open, Steve’s hand found hers, grounding her in the moment. Hopper shuffled in slowly, something like shame on his face. Nolan wondered why.

 

“Hey, kids. How’s it going?” he asked, too casual. 

 

After a moment of quiet made it clear that Nolan wasn’t going to reply, Steve said, “Good, thanks. How was work?”

 

“Same old,” replied Hopper, hanging his coat by the door. “Steve, why don’t head home? You’re parents must be worried.”

 

Steve glanced between Hopper and Nolan, a crease forming between his eyebrows. Nolan gave her best impression of a smile, trying to convey that she would be okay. “Sure, I’ll… I’ll see you tomorrow.” Steve shrugged on his jacket, still looking uncertain. Nolan studiously watched her hands, and he slipped out the door.

 

Once alone, Hopper sat opposite, moving slowly. “Can we talk?”

 

Nolan didn’t answer, unsure if this was a real question. She lived on his charity. She didn’t see how she had much of a choice.

 

“I’m sorry for scaring you,” he said heavily, “I didn’t want to scare you.”

 

Nolan nodded. She knew she should say something, tell him… she didn’t know. That it was okay? That she wasn’t scared? She didn’t think that she was a good enough liar to fool him, and she knew that getting caught lying never ended well. 

 

“I didn’t realise that you…” Hopper shook his head, snorting. “It was stupid of me, but you keep it together so well, I guess I forgot that you’re- you’re a kid, and a traumatised kid at that. I should have made it clear that this isn’t  _ temporary.  _ I’m not gonna send you back there, no matter what, okay?”

 

Nolan nodded sharply. A hot, sick feeling was overwhelming her, so much that she could barely follow his words, could barely breathe. She refused to cry, not again. She didn’t want Jim to feel guilty. 

 

“Kid…”  he murmured, ducking down to try and catch her eye. “Nolan. Can you talk to me? Please?”

 

She took a hard breath through her nose. Her words had gotten all caught up, her tongue unable to form sounds. The harder she tried, the worse it got, an inexplicable resistance trapping all the things she wanted to say. She just shook her head, hoping that he would get it, somehow, know that she wanted to talk but she  _ couldn’t. _

 

“Okay,” said Hopper, too much compassion in his voice. He kneeled down onto the floor opposite her, into her space, too close. “It’s okay if you can’t.”

 

Nolan wanted to tell him that no, it wasn’t okay, that she was doing fine so how come she can’t even  _ speak _ , like the labs and the interviews all over again. She wanted to tell him to stop pretending that any of this is normal. But she couldn’t. So, with all these thoughts and no way to express them, she ignored them in favour of following a long forgotten instinct. She pitched forward into his arms, like that would be enough to keep her safe. Jim seemed to freeze for a second, before holding her, gentle, like something easily broken. Nolan tried not to hold her breath, but everything in her screamed to stay still. After a quiet, unsure pause, he began to rub his palm over the bony angles of her back. Nolan felt tiny, childlike. 

 

She thought about Scout in  _ To Kill A Mockingbird,  _ about the safety she found in her father. It had seemed a foreign concept, reading it alone in her sterile cell. She thought she could understand that now. 

  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  
  
  


“Hey, Joyce!”

 

Joyce looked up from the items she was ringing up on the register to find the source of the voice. Hopper had pushed through the doors, standing at the end of the register. Joyce smothered her surprise and gave him a small smile before turning back to her customer, saying, “That'll be twelve dollars.”

 

When she handed back the change, she beckoned over Hopper. 

 

“How's it going?” he asked, voice low enough not to carry in the almost empty store.

 

“Can't complain. How's things with you?”

 

“Yeah, good. Listen, I was thinking,” he leaned a little closer, “how about we get together for a family meal? With the kids and all.”

 

Joyce cracked a grin. “Does this mean I get to meet the mysterious Nolan?”

 

“Mhmm. What do you say?” Hopper was smiling, but she couldn't help but notice that there was something in his eyes which didn't belong with a smile. Joyce had known him too long to be fooled. She squinted a little, placing her hands on her hips.

 

“What's this really about?” she demanded.

 

Hopper feigned hurt. “What makes you think I have an ulterior motive?”

 

“Come on, Hopper,” she said.

 

Hopper huffed, “Fine. I was hoping you could have a little talk with Nolan.”

 

“Hopper, I swear to God, if you say because I'm a woman-”

 

“Hey, no!” he said, “I just think she might open up a little to someone she doesn't have history with.”

 

Joyce frowned, dropping her voice to whisper. “You think she's lying about something?”

 

“No. Well, yes.” Hopper ran a hand over his face and took a deep breath. “I think she is a traumatised kid with a lot of stuff she'd rather not talk about. I'm just worried that there's something big that she's hiding. I just want to make sure she has options.”

 

Joyce thought this over. “Look, I'm not promising anything, but… how about you bring the girls for Sunday dinner?”

 

“Joyce, you're an angel,” declared Hopper.

 

“But,” she added sharply, “If she does want to talk to me, don't expect me to tell you all about it. That girl deserves her privacy.”

 

Hopper just smiled, unruffled. “I wouldn't expect anything less.”


	13. Chapter Thirteen: A Family Gathering

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me, swooping in 5 months late, hoping someone is still reading this: hi

  
  


It had been a slow day when Jane came home in a rage. Nolan stood, unsure whether to run to her. “Jane, what happened?” she yelled.

 

Jane stomped through to her bedroom, the door slamming shut of its own accord. Nolan found herself torn between following her and letting her have some privacy. This was not Nolan’s strong suit. She wished someone else could take over for her, but Hopper wasn’t home from work yet and Steve had already left. 

 

Nolan knocked on Jane’s door before trying the handle - she knew it wouldn’t open if Jane didn’t want it to - and stepped in. She sat at the end of Jane’s bed, allowing her some space. Jane was curled up, her chin resting on her knees, those huge eyes watching Nolan. 

 

Nolan wasn’t well versed in sisterhood, but she knew what it was to deal with thing alone. And she didn’t want Jane to be alone. 

 

“Why..?” asked Nolan, never loquacious.

 

Jane glanced away. “I think I was bad.”

 

Nolan’s forehead creased. “Why do you think that?”

 

“Mike and Will are mad at me.”

 

They sat in silence for a moment; Nolan didn’t want to push Jane. After a while, Jane spoke again. “I don’t understand why they’re mad.”

 

“Did you… say something? Do something?”

 

Jane shrugged. “Said, I guess.”

 

“What did you say?” coaxed Nolan.

 

“Will was talking about this boy from class, and I asked if he had a crush. Will got mad. I don’t-  they all talk about crushes all the time,” said Jane, ducking her head.

 

“Oh, Jane,” murmured Nolan. She shifted closer. She had the urge pull Jane into a hug, but wasn’t sure how to go about it, didn’t want to make the situation worse. She compromised by placing a consoling hand on Jane’s ankle briefly. 

 

“Why is that…” Jane trailed off. 

 

Nolan searched for the words to explain the strange parts of a world that she barely understood. Surely there was someone more qualified for these sort of talks?

 

“I think people… some people think that certain things are bad, even if they aren’t. Like, some people think that liking the same sex is bad.”

 

“But why is it bad?”

 

“I have no idea. I think maybe people are just dumb,” said Nolan.

 

Jane considered this. “So when I asked if he liked a boy…”

 

“He might have thought you were making fun of him.”

 

“Oh,” said Jane, frowning. 

 

“Yeah,” said Nolan.

 

The pair sat for a while, mutually contemplating. Sometimes the real world held so many bizarre, unknowable quirks, and each one reminded them of their own otherness. Nolan sighed. At the very least, they weren’t alone; they had each other.

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


Will’s hands were cold and clammy, nerves getting the best of him. He was watching his mom preparing dinner, not just for him and Jonathan, but for Hopper and his kids. Will tried to act casual about it - his mom had that sparkle in her eye that she usually got around Hopper, and he liked to see his mom happy - but he couldn’t shake the tension. He knew Jane would still be mad at him, and how could he blame her? He had totally taken her head off, and in front of everyone too, and on top of that, now Mike was put in the position of trying to mediate the situation without explaining it to Jane. Guilt churned in his stomach. The worst part was that he  _ knew _ that she hadn’t meant anything by it, knew that it wasn’t an accusation, but the words came spilling forward anyway, defensive and angry.

 

The chime of the doorbell interrupted Will’s mulling, and had his heart rabbiting in his chest. 

 

“That must be them,” said Joyce cheerfully, “could you get the door?”

 

“Sure,” said Will, as if he wasn’t vibrating out of his skin. He smiled as opened the door, gesturing for them to enter. Hopper came in first, cleaning his shoes before stepping inside with a cheerful smile, followed by Jane and Nolan. For half a second, Jane’s cautious eyes found Will’s, and he felt himself flush with shame. 

 

They were saved from an awkward pause by Joyce, swooping in to give Jane a tight hug, and placing a tentative hand on Nolan’s shoulder in greeting. When she turned to Hopper, the pair of them danced around each other for a second before going in for a brief hug. Will hid a knowing smile, watching as his mom ushered them to the table. “Food’s almost ready,” she said.

 

Their little house was crowded, fuller than it had felt in years. It reminded him of the Mind Flayer, and before that, when he was little, before his dad left, except without that cool, careful atmosphere that Will associated with his father. He heard Jonathan’s footsteps approach, and his quiet greeting when he saw the Hopper’s. Jonathan was a little awkward around Hopper - Will knew he was still embarrassed about being arrested after his fight with Steve, even though it seemed a lifetime ago - but offered a quiet smile his way. 

 

The group of them squished around the Byer’s table, as Joyce carried the plates over. It was a proper Sunday dinner, something the Byers rarely did by themselves. Joyce was an excellent cook, although she rarely had the time to make anything complicated. It almost made up for the fact that he had ended up directly opposite Jane. He tried his best to focus on the food, and avoiding Jane’s eyes, but he just ended up feeling self conscious. His mom seemed to be enjoying herself at least; she had a sparkle in her eyes as she teased Hopper about his terrible eating habits. Will thought it might be the happiest he’s seen her, since Bob. Even Jonathan was joking around. Jane was quiet, although that was normal for her, and Nolan was silent, looking uncomfortable but almost curious as she watched them laugh. Will wondered what she saw. A group of misfits? Or a strange family?

 

When they finished up, Will offered to clear the table, feeling restless. His mom gave him a proud smile. He tried not to consider whether she would smile like that if she knew his secret. 

 

After dinner, Will caught Hopper give Joyce a significant look. Joyce seemed to take that as a signal. “Y’know, Nolan, I bet I have some old clothes that would fit you nicely. Want to come see?”

 

Nolan was a deer in headlights. She glanced around to Hopper, as if to check for permission, or maybe just encouragement. He gave her a cheerful smile, and she gave Joyce a nod, looking rather grave. The two disappeared up the stairs.

 

Will saw his chance. “Jane,” he coughed, “could I talk to you? Alone, I mean.” 

 

She gave him a long look before nodding. He saw Jonathan give him a pleading glance - clearly not pleased at being left alone with Hopper - which Will pretended not to notice.

 

The pair stepped onto the porch, where they wouldn’t be overheard. The cool air was bracing, and he shuffled where he stood, not quite sure how to start. Before he found the words, Jane said, “I’m sorry.”

 

Will blinked at her. “What are you sorry for? I was the one being…” he trailed off, cheeks flaming red. 

 

Jane bit her lip, watching him with that inscrutable gaze of hers. “I wasn’t trying to be mean. I didn’t know.”

 

“Didn’t know what?” asked Will, too fast. His heart stuttered. Had Mike told her?

 

“That it’s…” she paused, looking frustrated, before starting again. “That it’s different. When people like… the same sex. I don't understand why it’s different.”

 

Will gave a hollow laugh. “Me neither, Jane.” He took a deep, calming breath. “I’m sorry for snapping at you. It wasn’t fair.”

 

Jane just shrugged.

 

“And…” Will licked his lips, “You were right, anyway. I do. Like boys, I mean.”

 

“Okay,” said Jane. Her voice hadn’t changed in the slightest. He might have just remarked on the weather, by her expression. He felt a sudden wash of fondness for his strange friend, who didn’t know nor care for societies norms and rules. He knew that Jane had seen a lot of bad in her short life, but a lot of good too. He thought that if Jane believed it was okay, she was probably right.

 


	14. Chapter Fourteen: The Victim and The Monster

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear to god im gonna finish this.
> 
> a big thanks to the people who are still giving lovely comments after a year of writing this!

Nolan felt entirely out of place. The Byers home was… well, just that: a home. Each room was personal and lived in, every corner softened with age, all in stark contrast to the facility. It was achingly human.

 

Joyce was digging through some boxes at the bottom of her closet. “I just thought you might like something different to wear. Hop mentioned that all your clothes were…” she hesitated. “Anyway, I’ve still got clothes from when I was your age, but I think I’m maybe too old for them now.”

 

Nolan couldn’t honestly say she had thought much about it. She owned three sets of the same outfit: grey t-shirt, grey sweatpants, and a grey pullover. They were functional. Now she was thinking about it, everyone else wore different clothes each day, except for Hopper and his police uniform. Joyce made a little sound of  _ aha _ and pulled out a cardboard box from the back. “This is it!” Joyce opened the top and pulled out some bright materials. “You can just take the box with you, see what fits.”

 

“Thank you,” uttered Nolan, wrong footed by this show of kindness from someone she had just met. 

 

“You’re welcome, sweetie,” she said softly, eye crinkling. “Why don’t you take a seat for a second.” 

 

As much as Joyce seemed nice, Nolan couldn’t help but feel cautious. It was clear that Joyce hadn’t just invited her up just to share clothes. Still, she took a seat as asked, perched carefully on the edge of the bed. Joyce crouched down so that she was eye level with Nolan.

 

“I know that you barely know me. But I know El. Jane, I mean. And I know that she came from a very… difficult situation. Holding everything inside might be what you’re used to, but it isn’t healthy,” said Joyce, doe like eyes watching her with overwhelming sincerity. “So I just wanted to say that if you ever want to talk to someone, I’m always ready to listen. Okay?”

 

Nolan knew this is the bit where she was supposed to smile and thank her, but something bitter and suspicious was rising up in her throat. Nolan didn’t have a lot of experience with friends, but she had a lot of experience with liars, and she knew when she was being played, even if it was well meant.

 

“Hopper put you up to this,” said Nolan, voice flat. 

 

To her credit, Joyce didn’t even flinch. In fact, she smiled, almost mischievously. For a moment, she looked like the teenager who would have worn those bright, bold clothes. “Yeah, he did.”

 

The easy admission made Nolan pause. “Why?”

 

Joyce huffed. “He cares about you, a lot.”

 

“But he doesn’t trust me.” Nolan bit the inside of her cheek. 

 

“Oh, honey, no! You’re allowed your secrets, okay? He’s just worried that you’re holding back something important, something big. He’s a cop. He’s not very good at letting mysteries stay mysteries. But it isn’t because he doesn’t trust you.”

 

Nolan stood, suddenly restless. “Some secrets should stay secret.”

 

“Okay,” said Joyce softly, “just remember that it’s okay, if you did want to talk about things.”

 

“Okay,” she agreed, distant, thoughtful.

 

Nolan’s strange mood clinged to her. She tried to smile politely when prompted, but Hopper definitely noticed her distraction. He felt his watchful eyes on her during the drive home. She resolutely stared out the window instead. 

  
  
  
  


A week later, she was still feeling contemplative. She spent most of the morning curled up in her favourite armchair, lost in her head. It was similar to how she spent her days in the labs, except now she had a lot more to consider. Joyce’s words had stuck with her. She had never really considered telling people about what had happened in those labs. She didn’t even like to think about it, and she couldn’t predict what their reactions would be. She liked living with Jim and Jane, and who knows whether he would let her stay, if he knew the truth? And anyway, this wasn’t the same as Jane. Jane was an innocent victim; Nolan knew that wasn’t true for her. She would like to believe that they had created the monster in her, but she didn’t really believe it. Monsters aren’t made. They are revealed. 

 

Nolan was startled out of her thoughts by a sharp ringing. The telephone, she realised. It took another few seconds to remember that she was supposed to answer it. She lifted it to her ear. There was an awkward silence, and belatedly she remember that she was supposed to say something. 

 

“Nolan? Are you there?” Steve’s voice floated through the speaker. 

 

“Yes! Sorry,” said Nolan.

 

“I was just calling to say that I would be late today. Dustin just called, he needs to talk to me, but I’ll swing over as soon as we’re done.”

 

Nolan nodded, and then turned red when she realised her mistake. “Yes, okay.”

 

“See you later!” 

  
  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  
  
  


Dustin had seemed sketchy over the radio, and Steve’s suspicions were confirmed when he reached his house to find a row of bikes leaning against the wall. Something was definitely up.

 

With only a brief pause to question his life decisions, he rang the doorbell, and pulled on his “parents-love-me” smile in case Ms Henderson opened the door. Instead, a distinctly unimpressed looking Dustin pulled him into the house. “About time!”

 

The Henderson's living room was old fashioned, vaguely dusty, and full to the brim of pre-teens. The whole gang, minus Will, was present. Steve raised his eyebrows. “What’s with the ambush?”

 

“We’re here because Will is being weird, and you know why!” yelled Dustin, with an accusational finger pointed at Steve. He noticed Mike and Jane share a guilty glance. Steve wasn’t about to rat anyone out though.

 

“So?” challenged Steve, hands on his hips. 

 

“So? So tell us!” cried Dustin.

 

“Come on, man, he’s worrying us,” said Lucas, Max nodding behind him.

 

“Look,” said Steve firmly, “This isn’t my secret to tell. You wanna know, ask Will, not me.”

 

And then was when Max spoke up. “Fine. Let’s go ask Will.”

Steve blinked. “That’s not what I meant!” He was largely ignored. Dustin, Lucas and Max were already shrugging on their jackets. “Seriously, guys! Don’t-”

 

“Too late,” smirked Dustin, out the door and clambering onto his bike. 

 

“Oh Jesus.” Steve ran a hand through his hair. “Oh shit.”

 

Even Mike and Jane piled onto a bike, giving Steve an apologetic look. Cursing, Steve got in his car to follow the group of idiots to the Byers’. He couldn’t even drive ahead to warn Will, with the bikes blocking the road. 

 

By the time Steve had pulled up, Dustin had already knocked on the door. Defeated, he stood behind the gaggle of kids. He might not be able to stop them from asking, but he can make sure that Will has someone in his corner. 

 

The door swung open suddenly, but it wasn’t Will, or even Jonathan. Joyce stood in the doorway. Her face was wet with tears, and her eyes searched the group frantically. Steve’s stomach sunk. 

 

“Uh… Ms Byers? We were looking for Will?” said Dustin, hesitant. 

 

Joyce clasped a hand around her mouth, stricken. “I don’t know. I don’t know where he is.”

  
  
  
  



	15. Chapter Fifteen: Secrets Spilled

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me? Updating three times in one week?

Nolan was reading when she heard the knock on the door. Finally, she thought, even though Steve wasn’t really that late. She was strangely excited for Steve to see her today. She was wearing her new clothes - blue jeans and a yellow shirt - and had spent much of the morning wondering what Steve would say. She eagerly opened the door, only to step back in surprise. It wasn’t Steve.

“Will?”

“Hi, Nolan,” said Will, his voice strange and wobbly. “Is Steve here?”

Nolan frowned. “No.”

“Oh,” said Will. He seemed to shrink in on himself. “Sorry to bother you.”

“It’s okay. Do you want to-,” she stalled. “You can come in and wait if you’d like?”

Will swallowed hard. “Yes, please.”

Nolan carefully pressed down on her rising panic. Having a stranger in her space made her brain feel fuzzy and too fast all at the same time, but she couldn’t panic right now. She recognised the look in his eyes. (She wondered how often she had looked like that, in the lab, in the experiments. Fear and devastation were universal expressions.)

“Sit down?” she suggested. Her understanding of etiquette was very much theoretical, but she hoped that this was the right thing to say. He sat heavily on her favourite chair. She decided not to mention this.

“Could I get you some…” Nolan racked her brain. She was sure there was something you were supposed to make for someone in shock, but she couldn't recall what it was. “Some water? Or anything?”

“Yes, please,” said Will, politeness unwavering even as he held back tears. 

Nolan rushed to get the water. She much preferred straight forward tasks to what came next: talking.

She placed the glass down in front of him and sat opposite.

“Is something wrong?”

Will shrugged, even as fresh tears sprung up. 

“Did… did someone hurt you?” asked Nolan, helplessly. 

He shook his head sharply, his lank hair flying out like a halo. “No, nothing like that. I’m okay. I just-” his voice went tight, “I did something stupid.”

Nolan wasn’t really sure what to say to that. At least if it was someone else being mean, there was a clear solution; she wasn’t afraid to stand up a bully, but giving a child advice? That was a scary prospect. “How stupid?”

“I-,” he cleared his throat. “I was in an argument with my mom over something dumb - the dishes or something - and I just got… angry?” his voice pulled up, like a question, but Nolan didn’t have an answer for him. “I don’t know why. I just started yelling, and everything was coming out wrong, and then I… told her something.”

“Your secret?” guessed Nolan.

He looked up, eyes searching hers. “Did Steve-”

“He didn’t tell me what it is.”

“Oh,” said Will, deflating.

“But it can't be anything bad. Not really bad,” said Nolan.

“Why do you say that?” questioned Will.

“Because it doesn't matter to Steve,” she said simply, “and Steve is a good person.”

Will considered this. “Maybe Steve's wrong.”

“Maybe. But I don't think so.”

“Are you sure he didn't tell you?” Will asked, his nose wrinkling up. 

“Yes. Although…” she hesitated, nervous and feeling guilty, “I think I might have guessed it.”

Will flushed. “Oh.”

“And,” Nolan cleared her throat, “I don't think there's anything wrong with it.”

Will peered up at her, hopeful. Nolan was suddenly aware of how young he was. Just a child. She have him a conspiratorial smile. “I think that people who don't like anyone different to them are just dumb.”

Will have a shy smile, but it quickly fell. “But my mom…”

“What did she say?”

“Well… she didn't,” said Will. Nolan raised an eyebrow. “I kind of… ran.”

Nolan closed her eyes, counted to ten. People were strange and confusing and she didn't understand them. 

She was saved from formulating a response after a knock sounded at the door. “That'll be Steve,” said Nolan, hoping her relief wasn't too evident in her voice.

This time, when she opened the door, Steve was there. As well as… seven other people. 

She noted that Joyce and Jonathan was present, as well as Jane and a gaggle of thirteen year olds, most of whom were familiar to her. 

“Have you seen Will?” Joyce asked. 

 

 

When Nolan opened to door, Steve blinked, stunned into silence. She looked different. Her usual grey clothes had been replaced, and the yellow in her shirt seemed to make her skin brighter, a healthy glow in her cheeks. He quickly looked away, hoping she hadn't noticed, but her slight blush said otherwise. Focus, thought Steve. 

Nolan stepped out onto the porch, pulling the door to an almost close behind her. “Will's inside,” she said, voice low and serious. The group immediately pushed forward, eager to see for themselves, but Nolan placed herself in front of the entrance, barring the way. “No. Joyce should go alone.” The pair of them shared a look, and Steve wondered what could have been said in this mysterious argument for Nolan to turn so protective. The group parted, and Joyce stepped forwards. “I hope you are here to tell him that it's okay with you,” Nolan murmured cryptically. 

“He's my son,” said Joyce, “always.”

This seemed to appease Nolan, as she let her in without further complaint. Then she shut the door, and gave the group a stern look that Steve had never seen before. “Give them some privacy.”

“Yes, ma'am,” replied Dustin, only half joking. The kids shuffled down the drive a little, and Jonathan went to lean on the side of his car, expression pinched.

“You look nice,” blurted Steve. He knew it was the wrong time, but he couldn't help himself.

“Thank you,” said Nolan, grinning shyly, “Joyce gave me the clothes.”

“They're good,” he said, trying not to cringe at his himself. He used to be good at this. He used to be cool. “Uh, is Will okay?”

She thought for a moment. “He will be. Maybe some secrets are better told.”

Steve gave her a long look. “Yeah. Maybe, yeah.”


	16. Chapter Sixteen: The Junkyard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is it guys!! Thank you to everyone who commented, i definitely couldn't finish this without you!
> 
> trigger warning: mentioned attempt of sexual assault. Very vague, nothing graphic, but stay safe!

  
  
  
  
  


Time stretched out as the group waited. The boys waited with thinly veiled impatience. At one point, Nolan heard Dustin suggest eavesdropping, but he was quickly outvoted by the rest of them. The longer they waited, the wilder their theories on Will got - although, Nolan was pretty sure they were joking when Lucas suggested vampirism. Mike and Jane, she noticed, didn’t contribute to the conversation. 

 

It was a little anticlimactic when the door finally opened, revealing Joyce’s slight frame. She beckoned the group into the house with a smile. “Come in, guys. Will has something he’d like to tell you,” she said. The kids rushed forward eagerly, but Nolan caught his hand when he turned to follow. 

 

“What’s up?” he asked, eyebrows pulling together.

 

“Will doesn’t need us. And…” Nolan licked her lips, heart thrumming, “I’d like to talk to you, if that’s okay.”

 

Steve looked bemused, but he smiled. “Sure.”

 

“But not here,” she said, looking towards the house. She didn’t want to be overheard. 

 

This time when Steve smiled, his eyes lit up, and she couldn’t help but smile back. “I’ve got you. Let’s go,” he said, fishing out his car keys. 

 

The drive was short and familiar, and the pair were soon pulling up at the abandoned junkyard. Steve took her hand, warm in contrast to the crisp air, and began to lead her through the sea of cars. He stopped at an old bus with scrap metal nailed across the windows, pulled open the doors. “This way,” he said, with an air of theatricality. It seemed a strange choice to Nolan, but there was a fondness in his eyes that made her think it must be significant to him in some way, so she followed wordlessly. Inside was a ladder, leading up to a sky light. She was a little hesitant - she had never climbed a ladder before - but she had to believe that Steve would catch her if she fell. That was why she was out here: she had to try trusting him. 

 

She thought back to what she had said to Will. It was time to take her own advice.

 

On top of the bus, she could see far past the cars and across the treetops. She thought that if she tried, she could probably catch a glimpse of the labs from here. That’s not where she wanted to look though. Instead, she looked to Steve. He was levering himself out onto the roof. She thought to herself how confident he seemed in the action, how aware he was of his own body. It contrasted sharply with how Nolan carefully sat near the edge, hands reaching down as if the roof might disappear out from under her. Steve sat next to her, close enough that their pinky fingers brushed together. 

 

She decided she would have to go right into it, or she would dance around the subject forever. She diligently looked out to the horizon, unwilling to see Steve’s reaction. “I was the first one. So they didn’t really… know what they were doing?” Nolan took a slow breath, looking away across the forest. “They didn’t know what abilities they could create, or even whether it was possible to create them at all. I don’t really know the science of it - they weren’t exactly explaining what they were doing - but it was bad. It was bad.”

 

Nolan’s breathing hitched, and for a moment it was like she was back there, but Steve put his hand over hers and pulled her back out. “You don’t have to do this,” murmured Steve.

 

Nolan shook her head. “I do,” she said, throat tight. “I don’t want to lie anymore.”

 

“Okay,” he said simply. 

 

“After, they said that it was successful in… changing me. But they didn’t know  _ how  _ exactly. So they started trials, all different, to see what I could do, but I couldn’t do anything. They tried everything, asking me to do impossible things; move things without touching them, read minds, bend steel with my bare hands. At first they tried to persuade me with treats, ice cream, toys. When that didn’t work,” she ran her sweaty palms over her new blue jeans, “They started withholding pillows, blankets, food.”

 

“Can I-” Steve started. Nolan noticed then how distressed he looked, the way his breath trembled a little with each exhale. “Is it okay if I…” He raised his arm, let it hover in the space between them. 

 

“Oh! Yeah. Yes, of course,” she said, a little embarrassed by her own confusion. He settled his arm over her shoulders. It was heavy, but nice. Grounding. He pulled her into his side, and she folded herself into his space. He leaned his head on top of hers. 

 

“After that didn't work either, things went quiet for a while. The left me in my room, fed me three times a day. But there was this one guy.” Nolan shivered, and Steve wordlessly squeezed her tighter. “He used to bring my dinner every night. I never liked him. Something about him was... And one evening, he came into my room, locked the door, and he tried to… to,” her words were interrupted by a rough sob escaping her throat. 

 

“God, Nolan,” Steve whispered. “God. I'm so sorry. I'm so fucking sorry.” 

 

“I was so scared, so scared, and I was screaming, and then  _ he _ started screaming. He fell down, spasming, and he wouldn't stop  _ screaming.  _ Like he was in agony.” The words were fast and wobbling with tears, but she knew that if she stopped talking, she might never be able to speak about this again. “I hurt him. And after that, they wanted me to do it again, to hurt people for them.”

 

“Nolan. Nolan, whatever they made you do-” 

 

“But I didn't do it again. They tried everything, but I wouldn't let myself become what they made me. I wouldn't let them-” 

 

She started sobbing in earnest, buried her face into Steve's neck. She could smell his skin, mixing with the saltiness of her tears, and feel his pulse thrumming against her cheek. “It’s okay, Nolan. It’s okay,” he mumbled. She felt his hand come up and brush through her hair softly. He let her cry for a while, and the pair rocked gently atop the bus. When she quieted, her weeping turning to whimpers, and then into silent tears, Steve leaned away. For a heart stopping moment, she was sure that he would leave her. And who could blame him? She had just divulged her most disgusting secret, revealed her true monstrous nature.

 

Instead, he took her face in his hands, tilted her chin up so that they were eye to eye. She was embarrassed at first, sure she must look a mess, but then she saw how tears had spilled from Steve’s dark eyes, staining his face. He looked wrecked. “I'm sorry,” croaked Nolan, not sure which part of this she was apologising for.

 

Steve swallowed, closed his eyes tightly for a second before he spoke. “Please don’t say that. Please.”

 

“But I am,” she said. She couldn’t stand how he was looking at her. “Don’t you see? I’m… I’m _ bad _ .”

 

“No, don’t-” Steve interrupted, but Nolan steamrollered over him.

 

“They gave me a chance to change, and what did I change into? Can’t you see how twisted that is?”

 

Steve shook his head, his stupid hair falling over his face. “What they did to you - what they made you do - you had no choice in any of that.”

 

Fresh tears escaped Nolan as hot shame swirled in her gut. “But this isn’t the same as with Jane. When they gave her power, she used it to be able to move things, the power to escape from herself. And me? I used it to- to  _ hurt people _ ,” she hiccuped. “What does that say about me?”

 

“It says that you were afraid,” said Steve fiercely, “and they were hurting you.”

 

“No.” said Nolan, fear in her voice.

 

“It says that you were a  _ victim _ ,” he persevered.

 

“Shut up,” she said sharply, ducking out of his grip. “Just shut up! I’m not.”

 

“I’m so sorry. They hurt you.”

 

“Stop! Stop it!” gasped Nolan. “Why aren’t you afraid of me?”

 

This stopped Steve short. “What? Why the hell would I be afraid of you?”

 

Nolan gaped at him, chest heaving. “I could hurt you!”

 

He smiled sadly, bemusedly. “No, Nolan. I don’t think you could.”

 

And with that, the fight went out of her, shoulders hunching forward. Steve wrapped his arms around her tightly, and she returned the embrace. She felt her breathing finally approach normal.

 

“Even after everything, you wouldn’t hurt people for them. Don’t you see how good that makes you? How strong?” said Steve, voice hushed. 

 

She wanted to see his expression, but was unwilling to move away from him even an inch. 

 

“Thank you,” Nolan whispered into his shoulder, reverent like a prayer. “Thank you.”

 

They sat for a while there, in the silence of the junkyard. Nolan felt clean and quiet, so different to vague disgust she usually feels after crying. The pair were wrapped tightly together, breathing in the crisp air in tandem. She couldn't quite believe it; she had bared her soul to him, and he had only drawn her tighter, held her with every inch of tenderness. 

 

Maybe he was wrong, to accept her like this. 

 

But then she thought back to Will, to his shamed tears, and Steve’s unwavering support of him. 

 

Maybe Steve was wrong.

 

But Nolan didn’t think so.

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you enjoyed!! 
> 
> to those who wanted Nolan/Steve to turn into a romance, i'm sorry but it didn't seem right. This ending was about Nolan growing, and i didn't want to distract from that.
> 
> That being said, if there's a lot of interest, i might do a short sequel focusing on their relationship? let me know if that's something you would want to read


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